By Dr. Kerry L. Shipman, CEO
As we settle into the new year, many families are setting intentions around wellness and connection. If you're parenting an anxious teen, you already know that supporting their mental health can feel like navigating a minefield. One wrong step, and you're met with resistance, withdrawal, or a full-blown meltdown.
The truth is, most parents are doing their absolute best: but well-intentioned responses can sometimes make anxiety worse. After years of working with families through TSG Behavioral Health & Community Services, I've seen these patterns play out repeatedly. The good news? Small shifts in how you respond can make a tremendous difference.
Let's walk through seven common mistakes parents make when supporting anxious teens, and more importantly, what actually works instead.
Mistake #1: Rushing to Fix It
When your teen comes to you in distress, your instinct is to make it better immediately. You offer reassurance, present solutions, or try to talk them out of their feelings. While this comes from love, it sends an unintended message: Your emotions are too much. They need to be fixed right away.
What works instead: Prioritize connection before correction. Your teen needs to feel heard before they can hear you. Try phrases like:
- "That sounds really hard."
- "I'm here with you."
- "What would help you feel supported right now?"
Resist the urge to interrupt or immediately problem-solve. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply sit with them in their discomfort.
Mistake #2: Enabling Avoidance
It's painful to watch your teen struggle. When they want to skip school because of a presentation, avoid a social event, or drop out of an activity they once loved, letting them off the hook feels kind. Unfortunately, avoidance is anxiety's best friend. Every time your teen sidesteps something difficult, their brain learns that the situation was actually dangerous: and the anxiety grows stronger.
What works instead: Support gradual exposure. Ask questions like:
- "What's one small step you'd feel okay taking today?"
- "How can we break this down into manageable pieces?"
- "What would help you build confidence before the actual event?"
This approach validates their fear while gently moving them toward resilience. At TSG, our therapists specialize in evidence-based strategies that help teens face their fears systematically, building competence one step at a time.
Mistake #3: Ignoring Your Own Anxiety
Anxiety runs in families: sometimes genetically, sometimes through learned behavior. When you're anxious, you might talk faster, control more, give excessive warnings, or struggle to let your teen make mistakes. Teens are incredibly perceptive. They notice how you handle stress, and they absorb your patterns.
What works instead: Model healthy coping. Show your teen what emotional regulation looks like in real time:
- Name your feelings: "I'm feeling stressed about this deadline."
- Demonstrate coping skills: "I'm going to take a few deep breaths."
- Be honest about seeking support: "I talked to my therapist about this."
Your teen doesn't need perfect parents: they need authentic ones who show them that struggling is normal and managing emotions is a skill anyone can learn.
Mistake #4: Thinking in Extremes
When anxiety takes hold, it's easy to fall into catastrophic thinking: "She'll never make friends." "He always falls apart under pressure." "This will ruin their future." These generalizations overlook your teen's strengths and create a narrative of inevitable failure.
What works instead: Stay specific and situation-focused. Replace "always" and "never" with accurate observations:
- Instead of "You always give up," try "Math homework was frustrating for you today."
- Instead of "You'll never get into college," try "This semester has been challenging, and we can work on a plan together."
This shift helps you see your teen clearly: including their resilience, growth, and capability: rather than through the distorted lens of worry.
Mistake #5: Dismissing Their Concerns
When your teen worries about something that seems minor to you, it's tempting to minimize it: "That's nothing to stress about." "You'll be fine." "Just deal with it." While these responses aim to provide perspective, they shut down communication. Your teen learns their feelings aren't valid, and they stop coming to you.
What works instead: Validate first, then explore. Even if their worry seems disproportionate, their distress is real:
- "I can see this is really weighing on you."
- "Tell me more about what's worrying you."
- "What's the worst part about this situation for you?"
Validation doesn't mean agreement: it means acknowledging that their experience matters. This creates safety, which is essential for teens to process difficult emotions.
Mistake #6: Talking More Than Listening
Many parents believe helping means saying the right thing. You offer advice, share stories from your own adolescence, or explain why they shouldn't worry. Meanwhile, your teen disengages because they don't feel heard.
What works instead: Practice deep listening. Ask one open-ended question, then stop:
- "How are you feeling about that?"
- "What's been the hardest part?"
- "What do you need from me right now?"
Then wait. Let silence happen. Don't interrupt, redirect, or jump to solutions. This is where real connection happens, and where teens often process their thoughts out loud. Deep listening communicates one powerful message: You matter, and I trust you to figure this out: with support.
Mistake #7: Viewing Struggle as Failure
When your teen struggles with anxiety, it's natural to worry: Did I do something wrong? Will they ever be okay? Does this mean they can't handle life? This perspective frames mental health challenges as signs of weakness or inadequacy.
What works instead: Reframe struggle as growth. Anxiety is not a character flaw: it's a normal human response to stress, change, and uncertainty. Struggling gives your teen the opportunity to develop coping skills, emotional intelligence, and resilience they'll carry into adulthood.
Frame conversations around capability:
- "This is hard, and I believe you can handle hard things."
- "Learning to manage big feelings is one of the most important skills you'll ever develop."
- "Let's figure out what support you need to get through this."
How TSG Supports Your Family This Year
At TSG Behavioral Health & Community Services, we understand that supporting an anxious teen isn't just about individual therapy: it's about strengthening the entire family system. Our integrated approach addresses mental health, physical wellness, and social support together.
Our services include:
Telehealth Therapy: Access care from the comfort of home. Our HIPAA-compliant virtual sessions eliminate transportation barriers and make it easier for busy families to prioritize mental health. Many teens actually prefer telehealth: it feels less intimidating and gives them control over their environment.
Family Support: We don't just work with your teen: we equip you with practical strategies to support them effectively. Parent coaching sessions help you navigate difficult conversations, set appropriate boundaries, and manage your own stress.
Coordinated Care: Our whole-person approach means we collaborate with your teen's school, primary care provider, and any other professionals involved in their care. Anxiety doesn't exist in isolation, and neither should treatment.
Evidence-Based Treatment: We use proven approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which helps teens identify thought patterns that fuel anxiety and develop healthier ways of thinking. This isn't just talk therapy: it's skill-building that creates lasting change.
Moving Forward
Supporting an anxious teen is one of the most challenging aspects of parenting. You won't get it right every time, and that's okay. What matters is your willingness to reflect, adjust, and keep showing up.
This new year offers a fresh opportunity to approach your teen's anxiety differently. Small changes: listening more, fixing less, validating feelings, and seeking professional support: can shift your family's entire dynamic.
If your teen is struggling with anxiety, you don't have to figure this out alone. TSG Behavioral Health & Community Services offers comprehensive support for adolescents and families throughout North Carolina.
Contact us today:
- Visit: https://tsgbh.com/get-started
- Call our team to discuss how we can support your family
Your teen's anxiety doesn't define them: and with the right support, it doesn't have to control their life or yours. Let's make this the year your family finds peace, connection, and effective strategies that actually work.
